“An untroubled life…is a ‘dead sea.’ To have nothing to stir you and rouse you to action, no attack by which to try the strength of your spirit, merely to lie in unshaken idleness-this is not to be tranquil; it is to be stranded in a windless calm.” -Seneca, in Epistles
Anyone who has explored the internet far and wide might have discerned that many people are fascinated by stories, images, and experiences that are frightful and uncomfortable.
Count me among them.
The internet has, in my opinion, taken this unusual aspect of human experience and amplified it, and made it more accessible. The popularity of the creepy content available on the web, the surprising quality of the creations, and the viral nature of some of them (Slenderman for example) say a lot about the interest horror holds in our society.
I have nothing more (yet) than a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology, so I do not claim to be an expert on this, but I am convinced that danger, risk, bravery, exploration, facing fear, interest in the morbid, and thrill are all things we are naturally drawn to. It has been a part of human experience for so long, and likely always will be, so that we cannot live without it. Though, it is much more preferable if we can still get the experience of having it in our life while minimizing the actual determent that “living on the edge” can bring about.
Horror fiction does this for us.
I think the same is true of sports. We get to vicariously live the challenge, competition, and battle without having to expend effort or risk our own health, pride, and reputation. We identify with this. This is something called “spectatoritis,” where we become so addicted to watching others do things that we choose to do little ourselves.
I’m honestly no better than anyone else, but sometimes, I can escape it. The following is one of those times.
If you are like me, you are always chasing the next “high.” Doing this means that some things that once got your fix for you, no longer quite do it. I still love scary movies, scary books, and all that, but I need MORE. The same is true of other thrills. Roller coasters didn’t do it for me anymore, so I had to go skydiving. Then, I had to learn to be an aerobatic pilot so I could fly my own rollercoaster high in the sky. Pulling more G’s than any rollercoaster back on ground. It’s also what led to me one of my largest passions, jiujitsu/submission grappling.
Basketball will always have a special place in my heart, and hearing the cheerleaders chant my name after nailing a jumpshot was always a rush, but it was not enough for me long term, so I had to go and try martial arts.
If you have been delving into internet horror, you might have heard about the real, “extreme horror experiences” that some people have chosen to create, and others have chosen to participate in. It’s like a much more serious haunted house, except instead of just jumping out in front of you to scare you, they will also grab you, cause physical pain (though never permanently hurt), and try to induce psychological shock. It’s been called “legal torture,” and while I don’t agree with that label, it gives you an idea of what I am referencing.
I did one.
I had to sign a waiver so that I couldn’t hold anyone else responsible in the event I got hurt, and every real “extreme horror experience” will require one.
I just had to be one of those who stepped up to get a piece of the action, because, it was a thing….that was there. I just can’t stop myself from doing things like this, even if it scares me nearly to death.
Something about being afraid like that just makes me feel….ALIVE.
I’ll admit that the one I did isn’t quite as intense as the famous McKamey Manor that is the true high watermark of the scene, but go ahead and google that place if you want a taste of what this is all about.
The rules were that I could not fight back, I just had to endure. I could always quit, just by uttering the safe word of “bunny.”
Within seconds of entering, I was charged by someone with a staple gun, and when I grabbed their wrist to prevent it from getting close to my skin, I was struck in the side of the head. Damn, broke the rules already!
A few guys grabbed me, pushed me around, bound my hands, gagged, and blindfolded me.
I was then dragged into a room, where I was crowded and pushed around some more while 5 or 6 guys screamed in my face.
The blindfold and gag was removed, and I was forced to eat bugs…which was nothing new for me thankfully.
I was slapped a few more times, though nothing serious, before being placed in a small box that was then repeatedly struck from the outside with a large hammer.
I was dragged out of it, and made to get on my knees before a few people standing over me.
They demanded I scream at the top of my lungs the worst qualities about myself, or if I didn’t I got pushed to the ground and kicked.
I obliged, and said things I usually don’t.
When I refused, this woman stuck a fork into my face, and applied increasing pressure.
She asked if I agreed to the rules, to which I said “fuck you bitch”
It pressed in even further, and this cycle continued until I finally gave in, though I never quit and said the word. Never even thought about it.
They released me and told me to move along to the next room. I crawled into the dark on my hands and knees, attempting to avoid detection.
When I was noticed, the men began barking at me in a mocking way, and calling me a dog before they grabbed me and threw me into a chair for some light shocking. Honestly, this part wasn’t as bad as it sounds, and after that, the experience was over.
I might have left out some other great experiences…but you get the gist.
Is it “fun?”
No, not really, but it is incredibly exciting and stimulating.
It feels like I am “doing something” when so much of life gets relegated to mundane and predictable moments.
It is great to sense that you have pushed through fear and discomfort following your first encounter with it. I remember listening to Slipknot just before I entered, trying to pump myself up. Then I remember walking in, trying to calm myself down. In both cases, I have rarely felt more connected to the moment, more invigorated, more alive, and more alight. The music hit different once I was over, and I still associate that song with this moment.
As I first entered the dark hallway after ringing a cowbell to signal that I was starting the experience, I noticed something similar to when I approached the airplane door to jump out at over 10,000 feet for the first time, unattached to anyone (I have never done a tandem skydiving jump), or when I first make contact with someone I’m going to grapple and fight with all my focus and energy.
I felt almost nothing. I was just “there.” In the moment. No time or use in considering all the different ways things might go, or in considering all the things I was about to face. Doing that would be counterproductive. Those moments are special.
I’m still chasing that feeling.
I urge you to do something “extreme.” It does not have to be one of these horror experiences, and it does not have to be skydiving. It does have to be something considerably wild by your standards though. It isn’t just about “having one life to live” and all that cliché talk. It’s about connecting with existence, and yourself, in a way that is difficult in the comfortable daily lives many of us live. Go get it.
-Alex